Damn.

Ever have one of those mornings where you’re working on a project and you realize that the perfect consultant for said project is someone you swore to never speak to again? Because I have.

Today’s shenanigans include researching childhood illnesses that may lead to relatively severe vision loss (remember: we authors love doing terrible things to our characters), but I need the vision loss to be something that can be mitigated by contact lenses. Said research means reading a bunch of optometric and ophthalmologic jargon. (Would you believe I knew how to spell ‘ophthalmologic’ without looking it up? No? Good, because I definitely missed the first ‘l’, but I did get the rest of the bleeping consonants.)

I can piece my way through the jargon, but it takes a lot of brain power. Wikipedia and I are close friends, plus there’s a file buried deep in the back of my mind titled, “Things I Learned While Listening To My Ex Talk About Work.” As I started going over these articles, I’m going, “It would be so much easier to just ask the optometrist I nearly married,” and then I remembered: oh right, that’s not going to happen.

Oy. The PsyD says moments like these are to be expected for awhile longer. It’s funny how he just pops into my mind at random and completely disturbs all of my thoughts. At least I know how to write that into a character now.

As for the poor character recovering from her childhood illness, I’m thinking measles, but I have to research the long-term effects first. I don’t want to change her character dynamic too much. It’s one thing to add a daily regimen of medication; it’s quite another to write in ramifications of encephalitis.

I swear I’ve learned more researching for my novels than I ever did in Biology class. Anywho. That’s the random brainwaves of today.

March Recap

Can’t believe I haven’t written in a month! Holy crap! I thought it’d been maybe two weeks, but no. A month. Wow.

The last few weeks have been kind of bizarre. I interviewed for two positions within the company. I completely bombed the one interview (it’s okay; I think we were equally disillusioned with one another). The second interview went well enough that they offered me the job. It’s an actual IT position, and they want to take one of my projects from my current job and expand it. I, of course, accepted without a second thought.

Beyond that, I’ve done sort of well with my writing. Devin and Patrick are both annoying me, so I keep revisiting old manuscripts to figure out what’s going on. I think I need to do a short time jump because Devin’s currently having the most mundane conversation with her mother. I have to remind myself again and again that I’m not actually starting this story over, that I’ve actually completed it a few times and there are things from previous manuscripts that should be saved.

Most of my journaling has been in a paper journal or in my head. I’ve not reflected much of my life in the last month just because I want nothing to do with most of it. I’m sincerely trying to do this one-day-at-a-time thing, but it’s hard. I’m programmed to focus on the future.

Currently, I’m in Dallas with my mom and a good friend I haven’t seen in years. I’m learning a lot from him that I can use toward my writing. In fact, this entire trip has been filled with things I can use toward my writing, including a fortuitous seating assignment on the plane ride over. A deep conversation with my neighbor taught me a lot about being a good leader, a good supervisor. Again, I may never use these things in my life off the page, but I can certainly apply them to my stories.

That’s the nutshell of this last month. I’m waiting on a start date for the new position. I’m excited to be starting the next phase of my accidental career. I also have an impending deadline to complete my manuscript. Wherever I happen to be by that date is where the story will stop. I have a goal in mind and it’s going to take some considerable sticktoitiveness to get there.

I hope you’re all having wonderful Aprils. We’ll talk again soon.

Another Day of Frustration

I have been extremely irritable for about two weeks now, like ready to yell at each person I see until he/she grows a normal-sized brain. I understand that people don’t think like me and sometimes my thoughts come out muddled but THERE IS NO SPACE BEFORE THE PERIOD, NOR SHOULD THERE BE SEVEN SPACES BETWEEN WORDS.

People need to take English literacy, grammar, and reading comprehension exams before emailing me. (My coworkers who grew up outside of English-speaking countries, I understand; however, if you grew up in the US, Canada, the UK, Australia, etc. I expect better of you.)

Typing that sentence was actually quite cathartic. I should yell more.

Some of the frustration stems from being stuck in writing my book–again–because I hate my central villain. He’s dumb and underdeveloped and frustrating. I’m ready to kick him in the ass.

The problem here is (in my personal opinion) Kylo Ren is an incredible villain. He’s driven  in his mission, yet torn and surprisingly gentle in certain moments. Yes, these moments are just instants that are easy to miss, but they turn him from a “creature in a mask” to a human who feels passion and anger and regret.

My villain, on the other hand, is one rung down from Whiny Bitch. WHINY. ARGHHHHH.

Aaaand, I just realized I work in 12 hours, so the ranting will end here because the to-do list is still rather long. Well, then. Until the morrow.

1 Year!

WordPress just alerted me that I’ve been rambling for a year now. I never anticipated that I would be able to stick with the blogging thing–my last blog flamed out after about 40 posts and 6 less-than-enthusiastic followers.

I’m not going to muse about what life was like a year ago. If you’d like to know, you’re welcome to go back and read my first few posts. The very first one was a bit, er, strong. What can I say? I have a lot of opinions.

I don’t know what the trajectory of this blog is going to be. God knows I did not intend it to become the primary outlet for my downswing into severe depression. I’m about as optimistic as optimistic gets most days, and I’m passionate about 800 different things (to be completely honest, at last count the list of my passions sat around 60 unique items).

Here’s what I hope for the next year:

  1. Joy
    I want to find happiness that is so complete that even in the hard times, there is a deeper peace in my heart that says things will be okay.
  2. Inspiration (sometimes known as “the hard times”)
    This past year, I received a lot of inspiration, and now my beloved characters have taken on distinct personalities: Patrick, the older, wiser character is my deep-thought, often depressed side; Miss Devona, the young, anxious character is my spontaneous, whirlwind-loving side. A lot of experience went into these personalities.
  3. Success
    A contract with an agent. That’s my definition of success this year. That is my one request of the Universe. Next year, I’ll ask for the book to finally be in perfect form. The year after, I will ask for a publishing contract. This year, I just want to achieve step number one.

I appreciate everyone who is sticking with me through the random blog topics, who have supported me through my bad days and my overly bright days. Last year, I did not imagine 100 followers and cheerleaders, much less 161. You all are an inspiration to me, and I hope to keep you entertained for a long time.

Much love, all.

Regaining Focus

Day 11 (Friday)

If you can’t tell from my earlier post, I’m feeling much better today. The fiery passion of like-minded individuals at work has helped take my mind off of the upsetting personal matters for the time being. In addition, I had the accidental opportunity to network with an amazing individual this evening at a colleague’s birthday party. Said amazing individual gave me incentive to continue writing about ways to improve customer experience.

The rest of the day was spent working on character development–Devin’s still a bit two-dimensional for my taste, so I’m taking what I’ve learned from binge-watching Nikita and doing freewrites to explore her moral compass–and rereading Bridget Jones’s Diary. Sometimes it’s nice to be reminded that other people, fictional as they may be, are crazier than I am.

It’s nice to feel happy today. I’m excited to see what happens tomorrow. I’m actually in a mood where I may be able to set microscopically short term goals (read: 2-4 hours at a time) and accomplish them, like “Review Devin’s chapters” and “Finish setting up ticketing instructions” and “Re-lace tennis shoes.” Beats the hell out of the last goal I set up.

Post-Publication Amendment:

I definitely have this song stuck in my head. It’s just pretty. Damn these earworm factories.