Lack of Anything

You know those days when you have no enthusiasm for anything? No feeling, no happiness or sadness or drive or anything at all? I’m having a lot of those days. I don’t know what’s causing it. Maybe it’s just another one of my depressed phases, if you can call utter lack of feeling “depression.” I guess it is, in a way.

I’ve tried to get out of it. I hung out with Taylor a couple of times–we went to see Moana, and then we watched Tarzan on Tuesday, but nada. I felt nothing. No excitement, no interest. We talked about hoodoo, which is fascinating stuff, and I couldn’t get into it. We talked about my (lack of) love life and still, I felt nothing. It’s like I don’t even exist right now.

It’s been a struggle to keep taking my medication at the same time every day. The best I’ve ever done was when I had pneumonia last year and had to take my steroids at the exact same time each day. Lately, I forget to take the medication. I have to get my meds refilled soon, but I’m probably going to forget that too until the absolute last minute. It’s just the way things are going at the moment.

Oy. I’m not sure what to do. I’m trying to evoke some sort of enthusiasm for life, but nothing seems to be working yet. Writing is at a standstill. Patrick is about ready to head into a meeting with the governor and I can’t think of a damn thing for the men to say to each other. Skipping ahead solves nothing because I’ve already written most of the rest of the book. I’m stuck on what’s basically the last piece of the puzzle.

Thoughts? I’m thinking about making a list of my unsolved projects and trying to mark off one each day just to feel like I’m doing something, but the drive to even write the list seems to have floated away on a breeze. Some days it’s a wonder I manage to function at all. If I didn’t live with someone who did the grocery shopping and kept me engaged with the rest of the world, I’d probably end up reverting back to the way I was in Seattle: alone, not eating, and completely miserable and disconnected.

Anyway. This has been a mess of a post. I wish I had more interesting things to write, maybe wild anecdotes about living in the desert, or a comparison of Moana to the rest of the Disney princess films, or a dissertation on how Taylor and I related to Tarzan in completely different ways, but the words are failing me. Not so good for a writer, hmm?

How do you guys get yourselves out of ruts? Any advice is welcome.

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One thought on “Lack of Anything

  1. Maybe it’s not so personal. The whole world seems depressed these days. I can resonate to your malaise, but the people around me don’t look too chipper, either.

    How to get out of it? I wish I had an easy answer. I would be rich. Maybe famous, too. I’m making an attempt to let go of the worry, for one thing, which only makes me feel worse. I hope writing about it has helped you.

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