Today was very up and down with the moods, but ended on a high note when I decided to have dinner at the hotel bar. As I walked out to the patio with a Kilt Lifter in hand, I was awed at the landscape of unscathed Sonoran desert in front of me. I sank into a chair, kicked my feet up on a cold fire pit, and spent two hours watching the sunset. This overwhelming sense of belonging came over me, something I’ve not felt since I visited the Vancouver coast last summer.
I texted my brother about an hour in: “I feel like I’m finally in my own skin.”
Just finding that peace, after all of the turmoil of the last few months, is a long-awaited blessing. I hope to keep the feeling around for awhile longer.
Additionally positive: I’ve started working on chapter six on my novel. For the newbies: I’ve been working on this bloody novel since age 12 (now 23), have finished it twice, and revised it many more times than that. I’ve been stuck on chapter five for about 11 months (Jesus, has it really been that long?), and last night determined a new plan of attack. Said PoA involves skipping chapter five and coming back to it in about a month.
Final thought, completely random: Mom and I were looking at my bedroom ceiling yesterday, where I wrote my five top goals in 2012. Funny thing–the only goals that are still relevant are the two goals I’ve had since I was old enough to write stories. Somehow, nothing else matters as long as I can someday publish my books and find my happily ever after. I guess the idealistic hopeless romantic in me refuses to give up.
Okay, real, actual final thought: I definitely just saw a tumbleweed roll across the landscape. #legit