Blame The Coffee

The balance between life and work is so bizarre these days. As always, I’m speaking from my own experience, so take what I say with a grain of salt. Also, advance apologies for the horrendous run-on sentences.

Life: a complete mess; disaster followed by triumph followed by disaster. I swore that today would be better–I would be better–and then I saw an old friend whose first words were, “Weren’t you engaged the last time I saw you?” For those of you just joining this insanity, my failed engagement (my fault) is the topic most likely to set me off on downward-spiral mode. I held back the flurry of negative emotion with a smile, while the friend offered platitudes (“Well, at least you didn’t put all the money into a wedding to have the marriage fail later”). I’ve heard the same goddamn thing from EVERY friend/acquaintance who’s felt it necessary to discuss my personal life in the last six months. Why does everyone seem to think that sentiment helps?

Work: what I do in order to survive life. Work is something I can throw myself into with complete abandon. From midnight to 8am, I’m running reports, collecting data, updating our training websites (not anything fancy, for you headhunters out there), sending out emails, answering questions, and fixing minor computer errors. I haven’t had a dull moment since January, which is the only reason I’m still sane. If I didn’t have such engaging work and I hit this downward spiral, I don’t know what I would be doing now.

(Random aside: I have to say, some of the questions from my colleagues give me the giggles: “Hey, KaLeena, why can’t I get my ridiculously outdated computer program to work?” The usual answer is that some joker made the font the same blue as the background. My colleagues are actually typing, they just can’t see anything. COMPUTERSOoh, that gives me an idea. . . .)

Balance–that’s where this was going. Balance-wise, I’m totally off. Right now, I’d rather spend 16 hours a day working, 6 hours sleeping, and the other 2 hours preparing to go to sleep/go to work. Less time to sleep = less time laying in bed, thinking of things to write in the unhappy journal under my pillow. More time working = getting caught up on the pile of duties I’m only, like, 3 months behind on. (My boss seems to have an ethical issue with this even though I’m salaried, and my mom’s not too pleased with the idea.)

Regardless, as soon as I can figure out how to feasibly work 16 hours a day without losing my mind in a totally different way than is already happening, I will do it.

Definitely not sure if that was the point of the post. Maybe? Also, I’m not convinced this post made any sense period. Uh . . . blame the coffee?

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2 thoughts on “Blame The Coffee

  1. Yes, the coffee is at fault. Sounds like you are doing a great job of holding things together. I pray this continues for you. (I absolutely LOVE your colleagues and the background problem!) lily 🙂

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