Doctor Day

The last few days have been surreal. So bizarre, in fact, that I actually cannot write about them. Just know that things are going well. I am pleased to be where I am and doing a job I love.

On the mental side of things, I met with the psychiatrist this morning. She recommended regular therapy with a PhD, a regimen of lamotrigine, and reviewing the sleep study I had in September. She said my previous self-diagnosis of Bipolar II seems to be accurate, though it may be a personality disorder rather than a mood disorder and we’ll keep digging until it’s all figured out.

Jenna, my friend that I talked to a month ago about all of this, texted me during the appointment and I almost lost it. She and a few other people have been lifelines during these last four weeks. They’re so unaware of how bad my mental state became. My mom is one of two people who have seen me at my absolute lowest, and it’s a terrifying place. I am grateful for the people who listened to me, and for the people who offered to be there. I just . . . I don’t have the emotional strength right now to let everyone in. The blog is one thing. Expending energy to actually sit and talk with someone is another.

Onwards and upwards. Right, friends? Tomorrow is another day, another pill, another adventure. One step at a time.

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