Grade-School Homework

Day 18 (Friday)

hate homework. Just looking at the word causes me anxiety. As luck would have it, my little cousin in Denver had a Flat Stanley project (where he sends a cartoon cutout of himself in the mail to see all of the interesting places he’ll end up), and I was the family member chosen to respond. I had an anxiety attack last night when working on it, like full on rocking back and forth, flood of tears, hyperventilating. Not a good time. On a project for grade school. When my supervisor saw me this morning, she tried to send me home. I was still on edge.

It’s amazing how I can be fine for months. I can be a complete rockstar, totally balanced, yada yada, and without warning, this wave of depression and anxiety washes over me. I feel like someone drugged me with some poison I can only expel by crying and screaming. It’s exhausting and disheartening. I should be stronger than this. I should have that mental toughness. Instead, I get hooked on one negative idea, one issue, and it buries itself into my psyche, ripping me apart.

Yesterday was great, until I tried to do the project. Today started out with 3 hours of half-conscious sleep. Thankfully, I remembered a store of chamomile tea left in my desk, which definitely helped me get through the rest of the day.

Someday soon . . . everything’s going to be okay again someday soon. I’m just not sure if it takes patience, willpower, or blind luck to make it through this storm.

Advertisements

Now that you've read my thoughts, what are yours?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s