Acknowledging the Ashes

Day 4 (Friday)

  • Went to work for 2 hours
  • Saw a good friend
  • Napped
  • Hung out with Mom
  • Practiced line drawings of Winnie the Pooh


    Everything was going fine til I tried to add the Santa hat after drawing the ears.

  • Dreaded going  to work (so back to normal)

Simple, simple day . . . it’s becoming really clear that Mom and I think the same way. We were working on an issue on her work PC yesterday (we work 200 yards apart) and I went to send an email to myself. I called it “Stuff.” She started laughing, and scrolled through her inbox. She names the emails to herself “Stuff.”

I spent most of the day drawing or napping, which I interrupted with writing. Journaling has become something of an addiction over the last six months. I always write with something or someone in mind. I don’t really write to me–I write to you, or I write letters to friends and family, but in a centralized fashion (they stay in an assortment of notebooks, not actually mailed to people–I learned that lesson the hard way in high school).


A good portion of the drawings were tattoo ideas that have been circling for years. The most important is a phoenix design I’ve been working on since my first semester of college, six years ago. I’ve played with colors and proportions, but I have always focused on the fire of the phoenix, not the ashes. Like yin and yang, the fire and the ashes are equally important in the imagery of rebirth. Today, I decided to add the ashes and see what happened.

When I was in church, we talked about brokenness–how we must be broken, more broken than we can handle, before we can realize God’s power. Don’t know about you, but God sounds like a sociopath to me.

Regardless of religious beliefs or disbeliefs, brokenness is something I understand. So is the feeling of rebirth–and breaking down again, and getting better, and breaking down, and getting better. Much of my adult life has been focused on being better, not the journey of getting there. However, teleportation doesn’t exist yet and journeys are not instant.

032215 – the numbers at the top of the phoenix’s right wing – is the date I decided to get better, whatever that means. According to a comment that brought me to tears (the only tears shed today), getting better might actually be a good thing:

2015-03-27 lilypup comment

You can read Lily’s journey at

So that’s where my mind went today.

No sleep tonight. Work beckons.


Now that you've read my thoughts, what are yours?

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