Two years ago, I was officially diagnosed with a “mood” disorder, leaning the direction of bipolar II. I have never sought professional help.
Today, that changes.
After yesterday’s post, I texted Justin about Senator Cruz’s decision to run for president. The conversation quickly went to, “Are you okay?” “Nope.” “Have you thought about seeking help for your disorder?” An hour later, I had coffee with my friend “Jenna,” one of the few with the dubious honor of seeing me cry. She asked me the same thing. I gave her the same answer. I had already started looking.
Separately, the three of us came to the same conclusion: I have to get help. If I want to succeed, personally or professionally, I can’t keep doing what I’m doing. I have to start over. I have to stop letting the chemicals in my brain win. How can I even know what I want when it changes depending on my mood? How can I trust myself? And if I can’t trust myself, how can anyone else?
It’s time to start over. It’s time to find my own two feet. To re-evaluate the people in my life, the things I believe, the passions that set my soul on fire. I think they call this a “quarter-life crisis” now, and I’m determined to come out of the other side confident, humble, and stable.
I will try to be as transparent with this as possible. I need an outlet. I may lose readers, I may lose friends, but this is a journey to regain myself without regaining my pride or my selfish behaviors.
Thank you for reading this.